Dating expert and host of the podcast "We Met At Acme" Lindsey Metselaar joined Cheddar News to break down how to ditch the apps and date in real life — even as in-person interactions have changed in recent years. Metselaar takes Cheddar producer Joe Kohle through some of the dos and don'ts of meeting a prospective date offline.

Cheddar's News Wrap

Lindsey Metselaar on Forgetting the Dating App and Meeting Someone IRL

Welcome back to cheddar news wrap. Now it is time for dating with cheddar and today we're discussing how to ditch the apps, make the first move in real life, that's right, I RL and approach a complete stranger or your future soul mate, who knows? Our resident dating expert, Lindsay, Metzler is back to break it all down and Lindsay last time you were here, you were helping us navigate the online dating game. But what brings you back this time? So now we're gonna talk about the opposite of dating apps, which is dating in real life. Mhm I love that. So let's see your work in action. I think we have some video, let's pop that through, let's do it. What's going on? Tell me about your dating life. I don't like dating apps, I feel like I can represent myself better in person, you know, since the pandemic meeting and interacting with people in person has become a much more uncommon thing, but I feel like even before the pandemic with social media and dating apps and texting, I feel like all aspects of dating have moved online, I feel like it's almost become taboo to walk up to someone that you don't know to introduce yourself, whether you have romantic intentions or not, it's all about confidence and delivery and I feel like every woman is just hoping that somebody comes up to them and they have that rom com moment, right, what is the best way to do that? What is the best way I think just like saying something authentic and real or going for the like meet cute situation, Like either you're saying like, hey, I'm joe or you're reaching for the same gummy worm at the grocery store and you're saying like, have you tried these before? And it is hard, like you said to approach someone in a not creepy way, so then address the elephant in the room be like, I know people don't approach each other in public anymore. So if at any point I'm freaking you out. You can just walk away. Your assignment is to talk to at least three women in person and report back. Let me know how it goes and we'll see if one of them is your soulmate. All right. We're going to bring joe in soon. But first tell us what other concerns did joe have and how common are these concerns among your clients? He had a lot of concerns mostly. I don't want to come off creepy. What if they already have a boyfriend? What if they think, you know I'm a stalker? What if they just laugh in my face? There's so many concerns when you're going up to someone. What if they don't even lift their head up from their phone. Okay. So what are the best places to meet someone does it very? Depending on your age or what you're interested in? What are some places a little bit? I think you want to go to a like minded place. Like if you love sports a sporting event or if you love comedy, a comedy show and you wanna put yourself out there, go to that friend's birthday where you only know one person or go to a wedding single or just honestly in the wild. I love that. So what are the dues and don't of meeting people in real life? Do find some sort of commonality. Like if you're both at trader joe's, you could talk about how they're always out of the lemons or something. They're all wearing jeans. Exactly. Do like make a joke, make them laugh, don't be shy to compliment them. It's always a good idea. Um Don't make some sort of disclaimer like, oh I'm not a creep, don't worry because then you sound even more like alright like that. Okay, so let's bring in joe now to see if he's been following your advice, joe has since died his hair and change his shirt. He's no longer wearing brown, like you both wear the matching anymore. So joe, how has this been working for you? Um Well I'm still very single, but with that being said, I definitely feel more confident about and comfortable with trying to meet someone in person. Um You know, I was able to somewhat follow through with the terms of the assignment that was talked about in the, in the video, I did strike up a few good in person conversations, one of which happened in line at the grocery store, which you guys just mentioned, I don't feel like it uh would be totally fair appropriate to reveal any more details other than that, since there's another person involved who isn't here to represent herself. But um you know, we've used the term soulmate also don't think I've, you know, met that person, but like I said, definitely feel more confident with things since having that conversation and hearing you guys talk as well. So what's your advice for someone who really wants to follow these tips? But they fear rejection? That's a huge fear. Yeah. Well, the thing is rejection happens to every single one of us. It's just inevitable because we're only technically if we want monogamy supposed to be with one person, so we have to expect to be rejected. So that will be pleasantly surprised if we're not. Now joe had the same question for you. How do you deal with overcoming rejection and perhaps accepting rejection? Um You just got to realize if rejection happens. That's probably if you're faced with that or someone says, hey, I'm trying to move on from this. Just know that it was never meant to be and that, you know, you should just move on. You rather know sooner than later and not waste your time. Um and there's obviously plenty of people out there that could one day be the right person. Um but yeah, not to dwell on it. And just to uh understand those things. Love that. All right. So tell us about the single mixers you host? Yes. So, I host these mixers around new york city and we actually had one last night and everyone who is single who hears about the mixer will come and they'll meet each other and it's so much fun. We're actually doing an adult camp weekend. That's also kind of a mixer, like a love island type of style, like Yeah. All right, so joe you also had some concerns about using technology and you currently, once you do land the date, what's the rule when it comes to technology on that? You're asking me, I'm asking both of you. So you had concerns about technology, but we're them and then when it comes to planning the date, what are the dues and dose of technology once you're on the Well, the concerns are like balancing the, you know, obviously technology has infiltrated all aspects of dating and there's no way of escaping it. So, like even if you don't like it, you have to somewhat participate with it. Um It's just about finding that balance of like making sure, like I said, representing yourself in person, but also making sure that you're representing yourself well online over text because there are gonna be gaps where you don't see the person and there's gonna be some expectation for communication to continue and that's done over the phone. So, it's just I guess about probably finding a good balance between the two. Yeah, definitely find a balance but don't incorporate social media right away. Don't follow each other the first date. Just give yourself time to get to know this person and then you can start seeing their stories and whatnot. So detective work everyone's gonna do a little, okay, so a little detective. No following exactly what does that indicate. Once you get a follow immediately after you meet somebody, it probably just that they wanted their curious about you. They want to do a little bit more research on you. Especially if your private, if your public you never know what they're doing. All right, well you've got all the dating advice you could ever want, dating expert and match expert, Lindsay Metzler. I appreciate you both joe, incredible guy. I vouch for him. He's a really great guy.