Bachelor Nation star Nick Viall joins Trending to talk all about his new book 'Don't Text Your Ex Happy Birthday: And Other Advice on Love, Sex, and Dating.'

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Nick Viall Talks New Book 'Don't Text Your Ex Happy Birthday'

nick. Let's talk about your book. Don't text your ex happy birthday, which you see Shannon hold there you go. And other advice on love, sex and dating, by the way, came out today. So congratulations. In the beginning of the book, you say, hey, you're no professional saying I'm just some guy giving his point of view. Why what do you think? Why are people so for people who are skeptical or want to give your book a shot, what should they know? Well, I've made everything I read in the book, I've made all the mistakes I've had to learn unfortunately the hard way and sometimes we have to learn the hard way, but it's much easier in life if you can learn from other people's mistakes. And I just, I understand as someone who's had my trials and tribulations of relationships. I felt stuck before. I felt confused. I've been ghosted, I've been cheated on all those things. Um and I used to think that so much of my happiness was sent around other people's decisions and and whether they wanted me to be a part of life or not. And I kind of just changed my perspective and realized that I have a lot more control and more power than I was giving my credit for. And I see that a lot with people calling into my show and it's, it's easy to feel very helpless with dating in relationships. And so this book is really about changing your perspective on how you see rejection, how you see, you know, first dates or breakup and and tips on getting over someone and and how to evaluate relationship and again, like I've been through it. I've had some some some some scars. I've I've had some early morning calls with my mom a lot. So if anything, this is like almost therapy for it was, it was, it was very therapeutic to write. But again, my goal was for anyone to read it. Like it kind of goes to the relationship from kind of beginning to and it's kind of like a manual. Like so if you know, you can kind of page through and get different tips on different sections. Bookmarks. I was like, I got to ask him about this, like especially like situation ships, A few of my friends, like in a situation ship was like, what is that? So can you explain what exactly a situation ship is and why do you think they actually work? They don't work. You're in one get out. That's that's if you learn nothing else but a situation ship I would say is when two people are in a romantic relationship, usually they're having a physical relationship, one person is hoping it becomes a relationship and the other one does not. And if you find yourself to be the hopeful person in a situation ship, chances are you, are you are accepting less than you want or deserve. Uh and that's never a great way to start a relationship. You also offer a lot of sort of advice in this book about identifying F boys, which we see like an F Boy Island and all these other shows to also red flags on a first date. So what are some red flags on a first date? Um You know, I think red flags, again, I talk about more what you can control in your decisions, I would say a red flag for yourself is the feeling of needing to be liked or validated, rather than focusing on is this person in front of you worthy of your time for a second date? And I think we spend too much time worrying about being enough being like, and keeping in mind you're meeting a total stranger, Nothing about them. I'm glad you like their face, I'm glad they have a clever bio in there and they're dating, but there's more there there's not so, like, you have to get to know them. We got to clear this up though, what's the difference between the F boy and a player, because he has been here and you're outlining them in these points. Yeah, so, you know, I'm a little older, you guys probably remember, like, you know how to be a player and movies like that, and I'm trying to bring that terminology back, and the reason being is because I kind of think everyone can be an F boy in hookup culture, right? Because we're in a culture where we're hooking up more, we're establishing boundaries less. We're not communicating, we're not defining relationships So, you have basically, being an F boy is the perception of the person in relationship with. So if we're hanging out, we're hooking up and one person, like someone, one or the other person and the other person is like, well, I'm not sure if I wanna, you know, be in a relationship, the other person's gonna feel like they're being f Boyd, right? And so when we're not, you know, when we're hooking up before having emotional connection, when we're not talking about our expectations of what we wanted out of this, you know, usually confusion can set in, right? I always say the less, you know, the more things can change and hooking up uh and we aren't asking questions, we are going to know people, it's easy for us to feel like f boys really, really quickly, we're almost out of time. Should you, or should you not text your ex happy birthday. Absolutely no situation, it's never what it's intended. Listen, if you're still friends with your ex five years later and your completely indifferent wish them a happy birthday, but it is not a way in, it's not a way to like let them know, you're still thinking about them and if you broke up with someone, you're not being nice, you're just reminding them that you still don't want to be with them, so don't ruin their day and wish them a happy flag day. Everybody should buy the book, don't don't text your ex happy Birthday, available now. Nick, vile podcast author, reality star. Everything in between. Thank you so much for joining us for having me guys.