Ilana Dunn, dating expert and host of 'Seeing Other People' podcast, talks dating and offers tips for finding love this Valentine's Day.

Between Bells

'Seeing Other People' Podcast Host Talks Dating and Relationships

happy friday guys welcome back to between balls and cheddar news, dating can be hard and if you're new to town or your hometown finding that special, someone can also be daunting as well. But one podcaster is aiming to offer some relief for you. Seeing other people Welcomes guests to open up about their real life dating experiences and that includes the good, the bad and the ugly all in hopes of offering some insight into listeners own love lives. So joining us now is the host and dating expert, Alana done a lot of great to have you here. Thanks so much for joining us. So it wasn't your own dating experiences that sparked the inspiration behind this podcast here. Well, thank you so much for having me. Yeah, so it all started a few years ago I was in my early twenties struggling with dating as many of us do, and at the time I was actually working for a popular dating app, doing social media and making content giving dating advice and for awhile I really did not have it be personal at all. I wanted to keep my personal life out of it, but after about a year I got more comfortable in my role and I started opening up about my dating experiences specifically what I was struggling with. And so the more I opened up about what was really difficult, the more I noticed people reaching out and thanking me for being honest and being real about how hard it was and they would tell me that something I said made them feel seen or understood. And so I realized that there was this need for people to feel less alone. And so I wanted to create a community and a resource that people could turn to when navigating their dating struggles to feel more normal and to feel less crazy, and also to learn more about how to actually navigate modern dating. So they can feel more empowered in their dating lives, right? Because everybody's, you know, experiences are so different. I mean, you talk to a variety of different listeners who have much different experiences than a lot of us have gone through. I mean, your most recent episode, You have a 37 year old named Diana who grew up as a Jehovah's witness and she's completely happy being single. But do you sort of like that idea that you sort of get to know people from their backgrounds based on their different dating perspectives here? Yeah, absolutely. And that's one of the most unique things about dating and what I think makes it so difficult is we're all unique individuals who have had unique experiences in our lives, in our dating lives in our relationships and those all shape who we are and how we date and how we show up in relationships. So that's one of the things that's so beautiful like that we are so uniquely individual, but it also makes it so much more difficult because that means that not all dating advice is going to work for us. Uh you know, it's interesting also because like one of them in particular, Diana, I remember an episode was talking about deleting all of her social media apps. Is that something maybe that you would recommend your listeners or other people to do as well? Get off the dating apps. I think that it comes and goes, everybody will go through phases where they're really excited about dating apps, they feel really hopeful and then it's not working out, it's not working out, it's not working out and they start to experience dating burnout. And I think the best thing for Burnout is to really take a step back from dating. You don't have to have your entire life focused around the fact that you're single and you have not found your person yet, you know, think about the other things in your life that you enjoy and think about the other forms of love that you have and hobbies and passions and if you focus on those, you'll end up being happy or you'll end up being more mentally healthy and that will put you in a better place to be back on the apps and dating when you feel like you want to again. Yeah, the other thing I like about this is, you know, when you talk to people like for instance Diana who was just talking about who says she's happily being single, I think there's this stigma that's out there, especially when it comes to women that they have to have a partner, they have to be in a relationship by a certain age or that sort of this daunting, what's wrong with them perspective to sort of think that that stigma is being changed here, that women can still go on and be single and having a normal regular life without having somebody, I do think as the years go on, it is being changed, people are really focused on like women and female empowerment and women being able to make their own choices and do what they want, but at the same time for people who don't necessarily want to not have Children or don't want to be single and they really do want to find that partner in life, they put that pressure on themselves, you know, they hear the stigma and they're like there is something wrong with me if everybody else on social media and everybody else I know is in these happy relationships and clearly they're deserving of love, they can find it, but I can't, something's wrong with me, but that's obviously not the case, but we put all of this pressure on ourselves, even if society isn't necessarily putting it on us alright, so if you are though looking for some love valentine's day is around the corner, so Alana, what sort of advice do you have for those who are looking for love with valentine's around the corner here. Yes, great question. So first of all I want people to remember that is not going to work out until it actually works out. You're not going to like every single person you go on a date with and you're not gonna be liked by every person you go on a date with either and it's about learning what works for you, learning what doesn't and giving it time. So you can actually learn more about yourself through dating and then be more prepared to find that person and to be in a relationship with that person. The next thing is to really approach every date as a learning experience rather than going into a date thinking, oh I'm so nervous, this person seems so great on paper, I need this date to go well and changing it and doing a little mindset shift to have it be I hope I have a good time and I hope I learn something and that could be learning something about yourself, about them, about something you do or don't want in a potential partner. That way you gain something from every date. Another big piece of advice is to stop asking your group chat for texting advice. If you are having your five closest friends in a writer's room deciphering every text you receive and crafting every text you send, it's already over because you're not being yourself, you don't feel comfortable being yourself and you're playing a game, you want to be able to text somebody what you want to text them when you want to text them. And I promise that the right person is not going to care if you double text. That is such good advice because all I feel like I do is like offer advice to my girlfriends about what they should be texting people and then I'm like, oh God, this already is a really bad sign already if you're asking me for your help on this, All right, Such a good point, such a good point. Alana dot such a pleasure to meet you as well, dating expert and host of seeing other people, which of course you can listen to right now wherever you listen to your podcast.