If you thought the Olympics were about sportsmanship and international unity, think again!
They present a golden opportunity to splurge on a scale that would even make an influencer blush. Are you ready to shell out the GDP of a small island nation? Of course, you are.If you think of it, there’s no better way to celebrate an event where the top prize is putting a chunk of gold around someone’s neck.
The Olympics have moved on up, economically, at least. After a stint in the developing world in 2016, the International Olympic Committee decided to raise the financial stakes for Tokyo in 2020. Not to be outdone, France said, ‘Hold my Dom Pérignon’ and put in a winning bid for Paris 2024.
The goal here is to spend so much that your bank is convinced that the charges are a product of credit card fraud. Now, this may seem daunting, but if three seasons of ‘Emily in Paris’ have taught us anything, it’s that spending ungodly amounts of money on foreign soil is not only an American pastime but our civic duty!
So join us on a journey, and we’ll teach you how to spend an ungodly amount of money to see the Olympic Games!
Travel
If you read this in the friendly confines of the good old US of A, you will have to go on a plane to get to the Summer games, but why stop there? Show up in style! The fine folks at Evojets have got you covered. A Chartered jet from NYC to Paris for you and up to 11 of your closest friends will set you back anywhere from $57,800 to $70,600. But if a Heavy Jet Gulfstream G-450 is too basic for you, how about taking off in an Ultra Long Range Jet Global 5000 for $90,000 to $100,000? You’ll think you’re Carrie Bradshaw en route to start a new life with a middle-aged, emotionally unavailable Russian artist, and honestly, don’t we all deserve to feel like that at least once in our lives?
Now, that gets you there, but what about getting around the city? In full disclosure, we don’t know how to use Uber in French, so that’s not an option. How does cruising in a boat along the Seine River sound for the best views of aquatic events? Well, for 1500 Euros the wonderful professionals at Seine Privée could make that your reality. The package includes buffet dinner with Champagne and wine. If you throw in a little extra — and you know you’re going to —you could have a saxophone, violin or string trio play you down the winding river! The only thing more authentically French than that would be if Ratatouille himself was cooking that buffet dinner.
Lodging
These are the bare necessities, someplace to lay your weary head and tired bones after a long day of watching Water Polo, Badminton and Break Dancing. Yes, let that sink in. Break Dancing. The ‘Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo’ cast must be so proud.
For the cost of a 2023 Kia Rio, you could stay in the lap of luxury in the heart of one of the most prestigious avenues in Paris. You get a lot of bang for your buck or $17,810 bucks to be exact. The suite includes four bedrooms and four baths, all for the low low cost of a year at state college But if Airbnb isn’t your style, you could post up at a suite at The Suite Impériale at the Ritz Paris for slightly less than undergrad tuition at Harvard, coming in at a cool $53,000 per night.
Starting out with a bang
Going to the Olympics and missing the Opening Ceremonies is like going to a Chiefs game and missing Taylor Swift’s skybox arrival. The Olympic games Bridge 360 Package has you covered. You will be so close to the torch you could almost get 1st degree burns. The package includes:
- Access to hospitality before, during and after the Ceremony — because who doesn’t need to depend on the kindness of strangers every now and then?
- Parisian brasserie-style cocktail dining with a selection of non-alcoholic and alcoholic beverages (f you don’t see the opening ceremony hammered, did you really see it at all?)
- Live music & entertainment: Guest appearances and photo ops — remember you’re going to be drunk so you’ll need to dance.
- Grandstand seating (Category A) and open seating on the bridge.
- Incredible panoramic views of the parade and the iconic monuments of Paris.
This amazing experience isn’t cheap and isn’t that really the point? Coming in at 9500 Euros per person or slightly over $10 grand American, but we’re here to splurge not thrift.
Olympic events
Now that the pomp and circumstance are done, it’s time for more pomp and circumstance as you watch an actual Olympic event! See if the sacrifice of their childhood and not eating carbs paid off for these young athletes. For a cool 630 Euro or $670 American, you could have a Zone A seat at the men’s or women’s Apparatus Finals. Or if you really want to go for the gold, and you do, For 980 Euro or $1,042 American, you could sit in the A zone at the Men’s or Women’s 100m hurdles final. And remember, they’re jumping the hurdles on the track and the hurdles in their souls.
Food
Only a select few are talented enough to be Olympians, but anyone with money can be an Olympian of fine dining. After a day of seeing the top athletes in the world sweat and not eat, you will be left famished. Thankfully, you are in the second-greatest culinary city in the world, only second to Madison, Wisconsin. Guy Savoy is the most expensive eatery in the City of Lights, where a succulent 13-course meal will set you back 570 euros a person, and that’s not even counting the wine!
And we can’t forget about dessert. Head over to exclusive Pierre Gagnaire, where you can drop 50 Euros on some of the most decadent French pastries on the planet. It’s not like you have to fit into one of those skimpy Nike Olympic uniforms.
So there you have it, a guide to spend an ungodly amount of money ($164,704 if you’ve been counting and we have) on the Summer Olympics. Where the goal isn’t winning but spending.
Torch that budget and let the games begin!
**This guide was brought to you by our sponsor, global inflation.
