Angela N. Holton, founder and creator of The Conscious Love And Dating Method, joins Cheddar News to talk about dating post-pandemic.

Between Bells

Why Less Americans Are Partnering Up and Getting Married

Welcome back to Between Bells. I'm Michele Castelli. Oh, a new survey says americans are less likely to have sex partner up and get married. Despite many singles eager to get back into the dating game. Some are having a hard time landing something serious and it seems most singles are waiting for a chance to date before making the move to settle down. So joining us now to discuss is Angela and Houlton. She's a conscious love and relationship expert and the founder and creator of the conscious love and dating method. Angela, why are so many singles struggling to find love right now? Is this a product of the pandemic? I think we had struggles before the pandemic, but I think with ever evolving change, we have to evolve with the times and so with the pandemic, how are we going to date differently? Virtual dating is a powerful way to get connected. There's emotional mental intimacy that we can connect. But I think the greatest challenges that people are not dating with intention, They're not clear on who they are not clear on what they want or clear on who the person that they're looking for. So we got to get clear on those things. Get clear on our values and our intentions and set those goals and go out there and try them. So, according to a 2021 Pew Research Center study, there's actually a growing number of American adults who are single and staying single and living single. Are you surprised by this? I'm not And you know that dr john Gray, who wrote, men are from mars women are from venus. He wrote a book called mars and venus Beyond mars and venus and he talks about how now in this modern times, people are looking for more than just role mates. They're looking for soulmates. So it's not enough to just get married because you're looking for roles to be fulfilled. People are looking for intimacy, vulnerability, connection, compatibility. Someone that you really can consider spending your lifetime with. And so just getting married for the sake of getting married just isn't enough anymore. So, I'm not surprised at all. You know, I actually wanted to ask you a question. So, during ticked I was seeing this trend on Tiktok that are like life partners, but they're non romantic life partners. So like two friends who decide they're going to commit themselves to each other, but in a non romantic way and live together. Have you started to see a rise in that as well? And what age group are we talking about giving up on ages and thirties? You know, and 40s, like just really committing themselves as friends. I you know, I think people want companionship, it is our human birthright, right? It is our human, we're wired that way to want connection. So I think people that are staving off connection or relationship, but they want connection. They want companionship. I can understand that. I'm surprised it's A Little Young in their twenties. I could see women in their fifties, sixties and seventies and beyond where they haven't found the relationship, but they want connection, it is nothing wrong with wanting companionship, but I'm wondering why they staving off the the the physical intimacy? Where's the sex? Are they just not having that in the relationship? Are they finding that somewhere else outside of the relationship? Well, let's bring you back to dating. So how important is self love and just really knowing your self worth when it, when you wanted to find a partner, it's everything, you know, dating and partnership and cultivating love begins and ends with how you feel and love yourself. You know, if you don't like you, if you don't enjoy your own company, how can we expect someone else to. So before we get out in the dating game, before we want to draw an attractive partner is to really assess and evaluate how do I feel about myself? Generally, each day I wake up, do I like who I am? Do I like the reflection in the mirror. If we don't like who we are, if we don't like how we're showing up in the world, maybe have an idea of where our future is headed. You know, even if the perfect partner comes along, we're not going to feel worthy and deserving of them, if we don't like ourselves and that's when sabotage comes in and we will find a way to push that perfect partner away from us. So speaking of really knowing yourself what are some ways and some tips that you can build confidence if you're getting ready to get out into the dating world first change that inner critic voice to your inner cheerleader voice. Stop speaking negatively towards yourself and notice the voice that's speaking so negatively towards you each day and pump up and turn up your inner cheerleader, you've gotta clap for yourself, You've got to feel good about yourself, you've got to focus on your strengths, right? So many of us, we focus on our weaknesses and when we do that, it brings down our confidence, it brings down our self esteem, focus on the things that you're good at and then set goals toward achieving those things that you're good at, and the things that you're not great at, embrace your shortcomings and your flaws, you know, and if you can work toward them great, but if not if their challenges can you love them and accept them. And if there are things, their tasks that you can't do, delegate them to someone else who has those strengths. And I think when we're conscious people and we're self aware, we recognize what we're good at and what we're not so good at. And then the other part is take risk, go out there and step out of your comfort zone, when we take risks and we take challenges, we sort of pat ourselves on the back when we accomplish them. So do things that kind of make you nervous and frighten you a little bit. So, last question, you wrote a book about conscious dating, um what's one if we want the Cliff Notes? What's the number one thing that we should know become the partner you're seeking? You have to know yourself before you can know who and what you're looking for, and that's what the book is about. It helps you dive more deeply into the relationship with yourself, which is the most important one. And once you're more intimate with yourself, you can be more intimate with a partner, you can understand who you are and how you're showing up in that relationship. Well, thanks to Angela Houlton, conscious love and relationship expert and founder and creator of the conscious love and dating method.